AND THE WINNERS ARE…
It’s that time again – but this time Summer is in the air and what better way to celebrate than with a Xmas Competition…
Running from 15th November to 15th January 2017
Email me for an entry form…
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And the winners are….
Current Competition is Closed. Stay tuned for Results…
It’s that time again – Spring is in the air and what better way to celebrate than with a Spring Competition…
Running from 1st September to 31st October 2015
Current Competition is Closed
Running from 1st September to 31st October
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Congratulations to Kim! – you are the winner as voted by the people.
The Croc and the Platypus is on it’s way…
Thank you everyone for entering your very entertaining limericks.
As I sat down to judge them I decided that I couldn’t mainly because so many of them are about me and the book!
So what I propose is that you get your friends and family to visit this page and write a short (very short) reply under the limerick(s) you like best (please don’t vote for your own).
You have until next Friday (8th) to come up with a winner.
Good luck!
Current Competition is now CLOSED
Running from 1st July 2014 – 31st July 2014
To celebrate the release of my picture book, The Croc and the Platypus
(an Australian re-imagining of Edward Lear’s The Owl and the Pussycat) on 1st July, I would like to run a competition that plays tribute to another form of nonsense poetry that Edward Lear popularised – the limerick.
What is a limerick?
The Limerick below – won an Irish ‘Listowel Writers Week’ prize in 1998 and clearly illustrates the structure:
Writing a Limerick’s absurd,
Line one and line five rhyme in word,
And just as you’ve reckoned
They rhyme with the second;
The fourth line must rhyme with the third.
So the rhyme scheme is (AABBA)
The theme is open but humour is compulsory.
The funniest limerick will win.
.
There was a young man called Steven
Who had some trouble believin’
When they called Fire, Fire,
He replied Liar, Liar,
And now his poor family are grievin’.
There was a young boy called Finn
You could say his rhymes were a sin
His verse was perverse
His Haiku was worse
And this limerick should go in the bin.
Jackie H has a new book in town
Can you please pass it on, pass it round?
She’s fond of the rhyming
It’s all in the timing
And the kids are just rapt with the sound
I’m happy my friend wrote a book
I can’t wait to have a good look
I feel a bit green
But I won’t make a scene
I don’t want you to think I’m a sook
Platypus made a chocolate cake
He placed it on a floral plate
Along came the croc
Who gobbled the lot
And left witha big tummy ache
Christina was attached to her pen
She wrote over and over again
Enough they all said
Your very well read
But let somebody else try to send
The Croc and the Platypus are,
In a book that is sure to go far.
The first book by Jackie
I’m sure she’ll be happy;
Best of luck your a bright shining star.
The platypus said to the croc
I’ve had a terrible shock
I speak with a beak
I swim in a creek
I think it’s time I went to the Doc.
My kitties are expert at sleeping
To warm places they’re always creeping
Just like the soft nests
Of undies and vests
Mum leaves on the couch for safekeeping
I like Nadine’s.
I vote for Ramona
I vote for Ramona’s limerick
As we search for a place in the sun, it seems we have less and less fun – it’s that militant mess known as O H and S, but you can go in parks with a gun
In winter my tootsies get chilly
So I wear umpteen socks, I’m not silly
When the gas bills pile in
They all go in the bin
And I burn them to boil up my billy
This is my pick. Love the sustainability theme, and the meter is great.
There once was an owl and a kitty
Til a poet named Jackie took pity
Now a croc steals the show
With his platypus beau
In a ‘Hosking’ Australian ditty.
An impressive, aggressive iguana
while eating his breakfast banana
slipped on the skin
went into a spin
and ended up flying to Ghana.
I really like this one – good structure, and it made me laugh
I like this one too.
So did I.
There once was a lady named Sue,
She didn’t quite know what to do.
To write a new book
With a good starting hook,
Or to read by a sea of soft blue….
Posting for Lynn Ward…
There once was an author named Jackie
Who never writes anything tacky
She’s earned her success
And I have to confess
Her poetry’s wonderfully wacky
Ms Hosking has no writer’s block
With her tale of platy & croc
Do they head to sea?
Love eternally?
Crickey, we may be in for a shock!
And this get’s my second vote – it’s clever and relates to your book 😉
There was an old man from Redruth
Who was exceedingly long in the tooth,
He said, “Lord, please have mercy
On this your son Percy
And show me the fountain of youth, forsooth!”
Down Under, Prince George met a bilby,
who was that day called George (and may still be.)
“Let’s play!” said the Prince,
“and you’d best obey since
I’m not your king now, but I will be!”
Posting for my Dad – John Hosking
A doctor who called himself Seuss
Once put out a platter for puss
But the plate was a Croc(k)
And very soon brok(e)
And made such a terrible muss
It’s really quite hard being a writer
One must be a bit of a fighter
To find the right word
However absurd
Which makes one’s rhyme lighter and tighter.
I once used the phrase “seek and hide”
(I needed a rhyme for “decide”)
A poetry crime
For which I did time
But that’s fine cause the time really flied
This made me laugh!
My firefly shines like a star
With a smell that is truly bazaar
I bet every nickel, it taste like a pickle
Turned out it was only the jar.
My sister’s discovered her nose,
She picks and she wipes and she blows.
Then seeks out the best
That passes the test
Then into her kisser it goes.
Nothing to sniff at, this one! Clever and effective.
About Rudolph’s nose, do you know
why it puts on its sleigh-leading show?
It’s a bad allergy
to holly, you see
that causes its bright, rosy show!
There once was an author called Jackie
Whose stories were brilliantly whacky
They’d rhyme and they’d pop
Until readers would drop
From exhaustion, but never from apathy.
I have to win this competition,
So to help my plan come to fruition,
I’ve sent chocolates and wine
And I beg that you sign
My first Jackie Hosking edition!
Very gratuitous Kim. I like your style. Nine and a half out of ten for sense of desperation and sucking up to the judge!
There was a young lady down under,
Whose farts were somewhat like thunder,
And just as she thought
She may not get caught;
The smell had confirmed her blunder.
On behalf of my 11 yr old son, I vote for Mary’s. All boys love stories with farts!
My son who’s 10 also loves this- anything to do with farts wins hands down!
Hands down (smelly pants) winner for me is Mary. Kids loved it
Oh too funny!!! Classic Mary!
Well done Mary! You have my vote
There once was a kid in Year One
who wanted a pink, yummy bun.
He ate it all up
and drank with a cup
and spewed it all out on the sun.
(By Elise Ryan – age 6)
These limericks are the best
I’ll never be able to rest
Until I feel
That mine’s ideal
And that’s an impossible quest.
This limerick entry’s my third
But please do not think me absurd
Competition’s contagious
The prize is outrageous
Notoriety’s clearly inferred…
Set to cover the world in one day
Saint Nicholas quite lost his way
Though he didn’t achieve it
We still all believe it
And party each year come what may…
An arthritic arachnid named Min
Was prescribed with some cream to rub in
But with eight knobbly knees
And a large boil to squeeze
She didn’t know where to begin.
Edel Wignell
The Australian Society of Authors ©
The kangaroo won’t rest;
Its legs it likes to test
With leaps and bounds
Around the grounds,
And hip-hop, full of zest.
———–
Kanga Mums all chide,
‘Joeys want to hide;
When it’s wet,
We all fret
For joeys play inside.’
———–
A hippo who liked to tussle,
To hurry and hustle and bustle,
Went out on a limb,
Arrived at a gym
And developed his hippopotamuscle.
———-
Said the hippo, ‘A pie for tea,
And the sauce you get is free.
It’s not to my taste;
It’s such a waste.
Hippopotomustard for me!’
———-
An animal is making me laugh;
It isn’t a lamb or a calf.
‘My feet always smell,
That’s why I tell:
Long neck!’ says the young giraffe.
———-
A guard dog is an excellent nark,
But a tree is a much better shark;
Hardy and rough,
Daunting and tough,
A tree has a much better bark.
————-
Telephones get married and sing,
‘We are the queen and the king;
With hearts full of joy
We never annoy;
We give each other a ring.’
———-
Bibbity Bobbity Boo
Witchy tripped over her shoe
Her cat had a giggle
Watching her wriggle
As she landed head first in the loo
There was a young chef named Jemima,
Who forgot to turn on the egg timer.
The egg fully loaded,
Promptly exploded
And plastered the walls of her diner.
There is a great man named Dick Smith
I tell you this isn’t a myth.
So buy OZE made
Support Aussie trade
So our kids can get jobs in a jiff!
I find avocardios best
for plenty of vigour and zest.
They’re a great way to start
to take care of the heart,
and eliminate having arrest.
Dear Jackie, a word from a novice
Whose writing career ‘shows great promise’,
Your book is so fine
How I wish it was mine!
But knowing it’s yours gives some solace!
There was a young girl known as Jackie
Who some people thought of as wacky.
But her great love of rhyme
Paid off over time…
Walker published ‘A Croc and a Platty’!
I’ll write what I have to to win
Is flattery really a sin?
Dear Jackie, you’re pretty,
So clever and witty…
And now, let the judging begin!
Ah, this one is great! Quite the best of the lot.
Well done Kim! I love this one. Controlled desperation (controlled by perfect meter and rhyme!). Nice humour too.
Kim’s are all so clever but since I have to choose I choose this one for being ‘clever and witty’.
Limericks often are funny,
but somebody mentioned a dunny.
His logic, it seems,
was embedded in dreams
that one day he’d sell it for money!
Two ladies called Jackie and Marj
Were out there living it large
They had created a book
You must take a look
Try to win it or pay a fixed charge 🙂
Today’s my last chance for success
I’m already a blubbering mess 😦
If I don’t win your book,
I’ll sob and I’ll sook…
Then I’ll buy it myself, I confess!
Jackie – I think Kim should win. Not only is she an expert at flattery (and will clearly go far)- but there’s a definite story arc to the past few verses, which surely deserve a happy ending! The scansion’s pretty good too…
This one is great… and it has all the right syllables which I think the winner must have, even if another is popular. KIm has said it for us all in this one 🙂
I can’t decide between this one and Kim’s other one on 28th July. Definitely vote for Kim 🙂
Kim’s poetry shows coherence
and a very strict adherence
to the meter and time
Of the limerick rhyme
I’m impressed by her perseverence.
Love the journey through the last few of Kim’s limericks! She gets my vote. Makes me want to look at what else she’s writing!
And this one is also great. Bribery and flattery gives into sooking and sobbing, and still it scans and rhymes beautifully.
I vote for Kim – very clever to look at the progression through your various entries! Good luck!
Love it!
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